“Why do I feel so scattered?” This is a common question I hear people ask when they’re frustrated with feeling overwhelmed — and it’s often a question of reconciling different identities within yourself. That’s right: What to do when you feel scattered can come down to learning how to reconcile different identities within yourself! Let’s explore this concept in today’s article…
(This article originally appeared as the January 6, 2024 edition of the Solopreneur Diary Entries weekly newsletter)
September often feels like the start of a new year, doesn’t it? Even when you’re childfree like me, it’s hard to not have that back-to-school mentality!
The end of one year and the beginning of a fresh year — whether it’s the literal new year, the school year, or a metaphorical new season of life — is a lovely time for reflection, looking ahead, and doing mindset work… and one of the things you might want to do as part of this is reconciling different identities within yourself.
Reconciling different identities in your life
For example, some questions you might want to explore include:
- Who are all the identities you hold?
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- What “labels” would you say you identify with? What do you NOT identify with, or what do you push back against? What are important parts of *what makes you, YOU*?
- How do those different parts fit together and support one another, vs. conflict against one another?
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- What ways do some different identities within your life compete against each other for your attention? What are some of the ways that the various parts of yourself compliment one another and nourish each other?
- What parts of yourself are you ready to release?
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- What old or outdated identities no longer feel like YOU? What are some of the identities other people have placed upon you, that don’t feel quite right? What identities have you outgrown?
- Who is the person you want to step into this “new” year?
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- If you could be ANYONE… What would that person be like? What’s stopping you from BEING that person, that best version of yourself? How does that person think, feel, and act? In what ways are they similar to, and different from, your current identities?
How to reconcile different identities within yourself begins with the above mindset work: Starting to explore your own identities and understand yourself, and your identities, a whole lot better.
In order to make great progress with reconciling different identities within yourself, you must first do THAT.
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Having too many conflicting identities is a big reason why so many solopreneurs, especially, get overwhelmed. You wear ALL the hats in your business — so not only do you have to juggle your personal vs professional selves, but you also need to juggle the many hats you wear within your business!
Just THINKING about it can feel exhausting.
But of course, it’s not JUST solopreneurs who get overwhelmed. In everyday life, we have a ton of responsibilities and obligations competing for our attention; you are expected to “do it all” and keep on stacking the plates higher, without ever being taught HOW to reconcile different identities yourself.
So if you’re wondering, Why do I feel so scattered, THAT can be the reason why.
This is why you might feel as though you’re often scattered, distracted by shiny objects, or too overloaded with such a ridiculously long task list that you get stuck in procrastinator mode…
…You are trying to do and be too many different things all at the same time, and all of it is COMPETING for your time, energy, and attention.
(Does that sound familiar?)
When you learn how to RECONCILE different identities within yourself, all those many different identities that you hold — AND when you learn the art of how to connect the dots between them — you’ll be able to hold them in your head simultaneously *without* it feeling overwhelming.
They’ll stop competing against one another and instead start working together, supporting one another, feeding into one another, lifting each other up… and you’ll find that you have a lot more clarity and focus (and way less anxiety and stress about navigating all of it!).
This mindset work is a skill and a practice you can refine over time. In fact, when you begin to feel the first inkling of being scattered or overwhelmed, that is a great opportunity to do a quick check-in to see whether the various roles you have in life are in support of one another or in opposition to each other.
And all of this comes down to creating and maintaining awesome INTERNAL balance…
For instance:
- Balancing who you are and fully reconciling different identities in your life (both personally and professionally).
- Balancing all versions of yourself in time — your past, present, future selves (this is deep inner mindset work that is SO transformative).
- Learning how to differentiate between your internal compass vs societal norms and expectations or the negative voice in your head.
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3 questions to ask yourself to begin the first steps of how to reconcile different identities within yourself:
- In what ways are my different identities currently in conflict with one another? (e.g. Are there specific instances when they compete for your attention or get in the way of each other’s success?)
- What goals have I set for myself that are a current mismatch? (e.g. Is a goal in your professional life getting in the way of a personal life goal?)
- How often, in a day or week or month, do I feel overwhelmed or scattered due to all the different things I’m trying to do and/or be, personally or professionally? (Bonus points for getting honest with yourself about where you’ve gotten in your own way — and prevented yourself from making progress on your goals as a result of this!)
Asking yourself these 3 questions gives you a starting point so you know where you’re starting from. This is ALWAYS the essential first step before taking action and making a change! You’ve got this.
Now that you know the starting point for how to reconcile different identities within yourself...
Learn more about what to do when you feel scattered, the art of reconciling different identities in your life, and how to change mindset and behaviour with the FREE Active Your Intuition advanced masterclass:
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It originally appeared as the January 6, 2024 edition of the Solopreneur Diary Entries weekly newsletter.
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