how to avoid people pleasing

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Putting Yourself First

The time has come for you to stop people pleasing and start putting yourself first! This requires both mindset and actions. You need to shift your internal approach to the way that you relate with others and with yourself in order to effectively take action on the things that you want to change. 

With that in mind, here are three mindset shifts and exercises for putting yourself first… 

All videos in the People Pleaser series:

How to Avoid People Pleasing...

1) What if you gave yourself the same priority that you give to other people? 

This can feel scary and radical when you are really used to being a people pleaser. But in theory, what would it look like? 

For example, if you can do this as a thought exercise of walking through yesterday, when you think back to what you did yesterday — what thoughts were going through your head, what actions you took — where did you hold yourself back? 

If you were to act towards yourself the way that you act toward others, then what would you have done differently yesterday? What would you have given yourself permission to do, compared to what you actually allowed yourself to do? In what ways would you have prioritized yourself, if you were to treat yourself the way that you treat other people? 

I'm guessing that your day yesterday would have looked very different than it actually did. 

2) Spend the next couple of days keeping track of how many times you say “yes” and “no” to yourself, compared to how many times you say “yes” and “no” to other people. 

I bet you are way more willing to say “yes” to other people than you are to yourself — and you might already know this within yourself. But when you actually track it, it brings it to light in a whole other way. 

Now, if you want to act on this, and you want to begin saying “yes” to yourself, that's great! Go ahead and do that… but that's really not the point of this exercise. Here, we are simply tracking the number of times that you say “yes” versus now. 

A lot of my coaching clients are shocked by the results of this exercise. It can be a bit of a shock to the system to realize just how often you say “yes” to other people, versus how hard of a time you have saying “yes” to yourself. 

3) Explore theoretically, what would happen if you were to say “no” to other people. 

Again, you do not need to necessarily act on this right now. We always want to explore these things from a theoretical standpoint, so that it doesn't feel too scary or too uncomfortable or too overwhelming. 

In this case, think back to a few recent times in which you have said “yes” to people or you have offered to do something for other people when you didn't actually want to do the thing. What would have happened if you had not said “yes”? How would that have felt? And how would that person have reacted to it? 

I recommend that you do this particular exercise when you are in a very safe and grounded space. That way you're not going to overload yourself and you're also going to be able to approach this thought exercise with some objectivity and a perspective. 

This is also not something that you need to do alone! My coaching clients find a lot of relief and a really big weight off their shoulders when we do this work together in coaching sessions. I will walk you through this process and be at your side every step along the way throughout this experience. Book your coaching sessions and we can do this together: 

How to STOP being a people pleaser - top 3 mindset shifts

Your next steps to escape people pleaser mode...

These three exercises that I just shared with you are your first step to begin releasing your people pleasing habit so that you can start putting yourself first. After you do these thought experiments, then you can begin putting it into practice by taking action on these things and moving along to the next stage. 

I am here to support you and guide you every step along the way as your Personal Fulfillment Coach — we do this through customized actions, ensuring that your mindset is solid and the implementation that you do is in alignment with your unique situation so that you make awesome progress, without feeling like you're jumping out of a boat without a life jacket! 

We expand your comfort zone and make great strides from a place of safety and groundedness. I will see you at our coaching sessions when you book your spot now: