How do you go about overcoming the fear of change? If you’ve ever wondered, Why do I struggle with change so much, you’re in luck! Let’s talk about an example of overcoming the fear of change in today’s article…
(This article originally appeared as the March 16, 2024 edition of the Solopreneur Diary Entries weekly newsletter)
This past December, I transitioned from waist-length hair (which I’d had for about 15 years) into a bob. I went from the longest my hair has ever been, to the shortest my hair has ever been, in a single appointment.
“Were you nervous to cut it all off??”
→ Multiple people asked me this when I chopped it all off, and — while it's a very sweet question! — the answer was a big NOPE!
The change wasn’t scary. I wasn’t nervous about making a big change.
Because you know what? It’s hair. It grows back.
If I didn’t like it, then I’d simply let it grow out again — and in the meantime, I could always pin it up or wear hairpieces or hats or wigs. (I loved the cut immediately, so this wasn’t an issue anyway.)
…AND ALSO, I knew for over 2 months beforehand that I wanted to chop it all off — which gave me plenty of time to think it through, figure out exactly what I wanted, communicate that clearly to my hair stylist, and say a loving goodbye to my long hair.
I was so happy and grounded and certain in this decision at every stage of the process: Leading up to the appointment, at the appointment, when my hair stylist asked if I was ready, the moment before she chopped it off, the moment when she chopped it, the moment after she chopped it, and ever since.
There was never any question of, “Have I made a big mistake?”
It felt exactly right.
And the stakes were, frankly, really low: I took time with my decision and I knew that, again, it’s *just* hair. It grows back.
And yet… It’s one of those changes that APPEARS big: It’s literally an appearance change!
When something *appears* to be a big change, we assume that means it IS a big change…
We assume that it means the consequences, the stakes, are also big — but that’s often not the case.
This is a huge part of the mindset work I do with clients in our personal fulfillment coaching sessions.
For MANY things in life, we (the royal):
- Blow the *consequences* out of proportion, and
- Don’t take the time to weigh the decisions, to take our thoughts/feelings/beliefs seriously, and to minimize regrets.
THAT is the answer to your question about “Why do I struggle with change so much?”
→ Overcoming the fear of change starts with understanding what the actual consequences are, addressing the fear of change, and going through that decision making process for improved confidence.
Again: This type of mindset work is something you and I can do together with personal fulfillment coaching:
There was no nervousness going into my haircut because the stakes were very, very low.
The stakes are often FAR lower than we believe them to be — and this is a HUGE reason why we hold ourselves back, in life or business.
Likewise, we often don’t process things in advance. I legit thanked my long hair and said farewell to it beforehand! There was no part of me *holding onto* it.
This, too, is something we often neglect doing, because we overlook the value of fully processing things...
...Hut allowing ourselves the space and time to close chapters, and to release things we’ve been holding onto, can be so powerful for effectively moving on. (More on this when you do the 5-part thought exercise in my How to Change Your Future and Eliminate Regret blog post.)
Before we get into 3 questions that can help you to overcome your fears of change, I want to reiterate:
The stakes might not be as big as they appear to be...
You can make a change you LOVE, that *appears* to be big, but which isn't as scary or nerve-wracking as you've built it up to be...
And you can think of this in terms of many different contexts, in life or in business.
A few questions to mull over as you do the mindset work around overcoming the fear of change…
- What change are you thinking about making? (It doesn’t matter how “big” or “small” you THINK it is — because size is relative!)
- Are you being honest with yourself about what’s at stake? (Are the consequences REALLY that big, or do they simply APPEAR to be big?)
- What can you do to minimize any possibility of regret AND increase your capacity for full satisfaction with the decision you make and the action you take?
Apply this to anything in life and/or business as a method to overcoming the fear of change — so you don’t have to struggle with change so much anymore!
Learn more about how to do mindset work like this — overcoming the fear of change and more! — in my Intuition Activated masterclass:
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It originally appeared as the March 16, 2024 edition of the Solopreneur Diary Entries weekly newsletter.
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