Here's a 3-part self-kindness thought exercise for how you, the high-achieving solopreneur, can STOP being mean to yourself and START being much kinder to yourself... plus how this will help you at an internal level AND at an external level!
(Spoiler alert: It is BETTER FOR YOUR BUSINESS when you do this inner work and learn how to be kinder to yourself).
Quick overview of what's included in this video:
- 0:00 Intro
- 0:50 The commonality of being a high-achieving solopreneur — how it’s so easy to beat yourself up when you don’t meet your standards (and what this looks like in my own solopreneur coaching sessions)
- 2:40 Thought exercise you can use to be kinder to yourself (3-part experiment)
- 5:30 What you need to know if this feels uncomfortable or if your brain resists this thought exercise (plus a quick tip that might make this easier)
- 6:20 The importance of CUSTOMIZING this thought exercise (and how I can do this for/with you)
- 7:25 Wrap up
Are you a high achieving solopreneur with high expectations and high standards for yourself? Do you have a tendency to kind of beat yourself up when you don't meet those expectations? Are you pretty hard on yourself? In this video, we're going to go over a thought exercise that you can use something you can be a lot kinder to yourself and more compassionate to yourself.
My name is Sagan Morrow, and I'm an anti hustle Productivity Strategist and internationally board certified Success and Life Coach who specializes in working with solopreneurs. Be sure to grab my free training, Anti Hustle Secrets to Solopreneur Success — I'll post the link below.
Let's get into today's video: How to be kinder to yourself when you are a high achieving solopreneur. This is very common for so many of my clients. They have really high standards for themselves and they tend to really beat themselves up if they don't meet those standards. It is so easy, when you are a high achieving person, to to start beating yourself up in these scenarios! So we really want to be able to overcome that particular struggle and obstacle; we want you to be a lot kinder and more compassionate to yourself.
And one of the really interesting things that I see is that my clients are all extremely kind and compassionate individuals. They are so kind and compassionate towards other people in their personal life and a professional life. It's only themselves that they are mean to and they really are, they're quite mean to themselves in their brains and the way that they speak to themselves and that kind of thing. So we always want to unpack that.
We work through a lot of this type of thing in my one to one coaching sessions with solopreneurs, where we really acknowledge and accept those thoughts, feelings, emotions, experiences, and then we unpack and process them, right so we really unpack and process all of those thoughts and feelings. We uncover the root issues at hand — and the root issues are always different for each individual person. And then we really work through them to increase their self kindness and self compassion.
And I have to say it is so beautiful to see how much kinder they are to themselves, especially when they are quite mean to themselves in the beginning. So we've really managed to overcome that.
With that in mind, here is an example of a thought exercise that I have used with my clients that now you can use to have more compassion for yourself if you are beating yourself up a bit.
There are three steps to this...
First, the first step, if you find that you are beating yourself up for doing something or not doing something in your business, if you didn't meet those expectations, those high standards that you have for yourself, then I want you to first tell yourself this is in the past, it has already happened.
Dwelling on it won't undo it. So really reminding yourself that it already happened. You know, that type of thing can really pause the act of beating yourself up here. You're really disrupting that.
So disrupting that sort of thought process can be a very valuable act. You're really just pausing and reminding yourself, it already happened. We cannot change the past, right? So when we focus on that we're able to disrupt it and again, that's a very valuable thing to be able to do. So that's the first thing.
The second thing that you want to do is to ask yourself, Is there anything I can realistically reasonably do about this issue? Today? Right now?
There's something very useful that can come out of this experience because it reinforces that you do not want to do the same thing again, right?
So whatever that thing is that you are beating yourself up about, that you either did do something and it was a mistake or the wrong thing to do — or else you didn't take action and therefore you haven't met your goal regardless — this really roots everything in the facts and the logic in terms of, how can I resolve this? And again, we want to focus on what is realistic and what is reasonable for me to do about this thing that has already happened in the past: What can I actually do at this point about it?
We're really rooting it in, realistically, what can you do and what is reasonable? Just because something is realistic that you could do to fix it, doesn't mean that it's actually reasonable given different constraints that you might have — given the amount of time that you have or the energy that you have, all of those types of pieces. So that's the second question that you want to ask yourself.
And then the third question that you want to ask yourself is, what can I do to be kind to myself today?
Regardless of whether you do or do not like the actions that your past self took, you're always deserving of compassion. You are a human being, you are always deserving and worthy of compassion and being kind to yourself. So here, you're really looking at, What can I do today, to be kind to myself?
Now, if any of this or all of this feels challenging, or if your brain is resistant to it, that's okay. Your brain's default of being mean to yourself can take some time to shift into a new default where you are being kind to yourself all the time. This is a practice and it will get easier with time.
You can also try this thought exercise through the lens of another person. So almost imagining as though you are someone that you love, and how you would treat that person. When you're asking yourself these three questions, when you're going through this thought exercise, to imagine as if it was someone else, a loved one, and putting yourself in those shoes and how you would treat them in that instance. Sometimes that can be helpful.
If you find that you are experiencing some resistance or if this is very challenging for you...
...This is also why it's really, really important to always tailor the thought exercise to your unique situation. And that's always what I do with my clients inside the Solopreneur CEO one on one coaching program!
We always want to tailor it to your unique situation, and to also explore any resistance or discomfort that comes out to again sort of unpack and process that and identify what's happening beneath the surface that's causing that resistance, that discomfort… So if you try this thought exercise and it starts to work for you — or you're having some difficulty or you can't quite take it to the next level — then I would recommend getting a one on one coaching session where we can really dig into it a lot more.
You can book your spot in the Solopreneur CEO one on one coaching program today! Do keep in mind that space is limited so I do recommend booking your spot sooner rather than later.
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Don't forget to attend my free on-demand training, Anti-hustle Secrets to Solopreneur Success. It teaches you a whole lot more about how to fix your solopreneur problems so that you can skyrocket your success. Enjoy!