How do you go about overcoming the fear of change? If you’ve ever wondered, Why do I struggle with change so much, you’re in luck! Let’s talk about an example of overcoming the fear of change in today’s article…
Topics we address in this article:
- Why bother learning how to cope with a fear of change?
- Example of making a personal change.
- Why making this change WASN'T scary — even though people assumed it would be!
- The appearance (or illusion) of scariness within making a change.
- "Why do I struggle with change so much?!"
- 3 questions to explore when you're overcoming the fear of change.
- Your next steps!
But first...
Who am I to speak on this subject?
Hello and welcome to my personal development & solopreneur productivity blog!
I'm a Life Coach for Solopreneurs: I have over a decade of experience as a small business owner, and I help solopreneurs like you to increase work/life balance, improve time management (the anti-hustle way), create your most fulfilling businesses, and live life on your own terms.
Change looks different to every person I work with, but the fear of change is a pretty universal experience! You are not alone in being afraid of change. How you deal with it will depend on your unique brain and situation and the contributing factors — which is also why I do coaching to help with the fear of change ♥
(A condensed version of this article originally appeared as the March 16, 2024 edition of the Solopreneur Diary Entries weekly newsletter)
Why bother learning how to cope with the fear of change?
This is a good question, and it really comes down to this...
Your fear of change is holding you back from:
BEING your best self...
LIVING your best life...
Actively DOING the things that personally fulfill you.
Until you learn how to cope with the fear of change, you'll stay exactly where you are. And that's fine — assuming that you are fully satisfied with exactly where you are right now, and have zero aspirations of achieving anything or doing anything differently.
You might want to read that again.
Being able to effectively handle the change — and NOT let the fear of it hold you back — is crucial for your personal growth, self improvement, personal development, self leadership, and personal fulfillment...
...it's also essential for you to make progress on your goals, improve at your craft, develop your skills, and produce a higher quality of work.
There are more than a few reasons why you should bother learning how to cope with your fear of change 😉
Example of making a personal change
This past December, I transitioned from waist-length hair (which I’d had for about 15 years) into a bob.
...I went from the longest my hair has ever been, to the shortest my hair has ever been, in a single appointment:
“Were you nervous to cut it all off??”
→ Multiple people asked me this when I chopped it all off, and — while it's a very sweet question! — the answer was a big NOPE!
The change wasn’t scary. I wasn’t nervous about making a big change.
Because you know what?
It’s hair.
It grows back!
Why making this change WASN'T scary
If I didn’t like the haircut, then I’d simply let it grow out again — and in the meantime, I could always pin it up or wear hairpieces or hats or wigs.
(I loved the cut immediately, so this wasn’t an issue anyway.)
…AND ALSO, I knew for over 2 months beforehand that I wanted to chop it all off — which gave me plenty of time to think it through, figure out exactly what I wanted, communicate that clearly to my hair stylist, and say a loving goodbye to my long hair.
I was so happy and grounded and CERTAIN in this decision, at every stage of the process:
Leading up to the appointment, at the appointment, when my hair stylist asked if I was ready, the moment before she chopped it off, the moment when she chopped it, the moment after she chopped it, and ever since.
I intuitively knew it was the right decision — because I've developed my intuitive muscle and built a strong relationship with myself, so that I can trust myself in these types of decisions.
The appearance and illusion of scariness within making a change
When I cut my hair, there was never any question of, “Have I made a big mistake?”
It felt exactly right!
And the stakes were, frankly, really low: I took time with my decision and I knew that, again, it’s *just* hair. It grows back.
And yet… It’s one of those changes that APPEARS big: It’s literally an appearance change!
When something *appears* to be a big change, we assume that means it IS a big change…
We assume that it means the consequences, the stakes, are also big — but that’s often not the case.
This is a huge part of the mindset work I do with clients in our personal fulfillment coaching sessions.
"Why do I struggle with change so much?!" Here's why change seems so scary...
For MANY things in life, we (the royal):
- Blow the *consequences* out of proportion (and let the fear of failure get in the way), and
- Don’t take the time to weigh the decisions, to take our thoughts/feelings/beliefs seriously, and to minimize regrets.
THAT is the answer to your question about “Why do I struggle with change so much?”
Overcoming the fear of change starts with a) understanding what the actual consequences are, b) addressing the fear of change, and c) going through that decision making process for improved confidence.
Again: This type of mindset work is something you and I can do together with personal fulfillment coaching:
There was no nervousness going into my haircut because the stakes were very, very low.
The stakes are often FAR lower than we believe them to be — and this is a HUGE reason why we hold ourselves back, in life or business.
Likewise, we often don’t process things in advance. I legit thanked my long hair and said farewell to it beforehand! There was no part of me *holding onto* it.
This, too, is something we often neglect doing, because we overlook the value of fully processing things...
...But allowing ourselves the space and time to close chapters, and to release things we’ve been holding onto, can be so powerful for effectively moving on.
(More on this when you do the 5-part thought exercise in my How to Change Your Future and Eliminate Regret blog post.)
Before we get into 3 questions that can help you to overcome your fears of change, I want to reiterate:
The stakes might not be as big as they appear to be...
You can make a change you LOVE, that *appears* to be big, but which isn't as scary or nerve-wracking as you've built it up to be...
And you can think of this in terms of many different contexts, in life or in business.
A few questions to mull over as you do the mindset work around overcoming the fear of change…
- What change are you thinking about making? (It doesn’t matter how “big” or “small” you THINK it is — because size is relative!)
- Are you being honest with yourself about what’s at stake? (Are the consequences REALLY that big, or do they simply APPEAR to be big?)
- What can you do to minimize any possibility of regret (AND increase your capacity for full satisfaction with the decision you make and the action you take)?
Apply this to anything in life and/or business as a method to overcoming the fear of change — so you don’t have to struggle with change so much anymore!
Learn more about how to do mindset work like this — overcoming the fear of change and more! — in my Intuition Activated masterclass:
Did you enjoy this article?
It originally appeared as the March 16, 2024 edition of the Solopreneur Diary Entries weekly newsletter.
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