When you feel like you’re behind in life

When you feel like you're behind in life...

There are three reasons for why you feel like you're behind: First you are focusing too much on what you are not doing rather than what you are doing. Second, you are comparing yourself too much to other people or to your past self, neither of which are helpful. Third, you aren't connecting with the past and the future in a way that is useful for you. 

Right now you're likely thinking, “If only I'd done XYZ, I'd be further along by now. It's going to take me forever to get to where I want to be in the future.” 

…But what if you flip the script: Rather than lamenting on what you did or didn't do in the past, think about where you are currently, based on what your past self would be thinking. You have probably done things that your past self from five years ago would be amazed about! But it doesn't feel special to you anymore because you've gotten used to this. It's become your new normal. 

And that's pretty amazing. That's really cool. 

When you think about how it's going to take you forever to get to where you want to be in the future, is that true? Or could you get to where you want to be a lot faster with the right guidance and support and the mindset? Spoiler alert, the answer is yes! 

Another factor that I want you to consider is that this mentality that you currently have — that you aren't where you want to be at — is very disempowering. It’s costing you a lot. Let's get into a little bit of storytime… I want to share with you something that happened recently, that is absolutely going to relate to where you're at right now: 

One of my main hobbies outside of my work is dancing. I primarily do burlesque fusion dancing and heels dancing. I've been doing this since 2017. A few months ago, I joined a solo development class so that I can learn how to perform my very own solo. It'll be my first time performing solo, and I'm learning all about how to do music mapping and how to design choreography and how to do all the tech stuff; all of the things involved with creating a solo dance. It's a really big step and for several of us in the class, it'll be our first time ever performing solo dances. Very exciting. 

Recently, one of my classmates said, “I feel so behind. There's so much to learn. It's such a steep learning curve. I wonder if maybe I should have waited to do this class sometime in the future, when life isn't so busy.” 

And another classmate immediately replied to them, “No, it's great that you're doing this; you're putting yourself first. Life is always going to be busy.” And they pointed out, they said, “You know, we both work in health care. We are both parents with kids. Life is always going to be busy. We both have lots of hobbies. You're just like me! Life is always going to be busy. If you don't do it now, when are you going to do it? It's a really good thing that you're doing this now.” 

Yes! I completely agree with them. This is so important and applicable to anything in life: There's never going to be a good time to do a thing. And you know what that means? Now is the best time to do the thing you want to be doing. 

Here's what it costs you to not do the thing that you want to be doing right now… 

#1 Regret that others are doing what you wished you were doing. 

Can you imagine how disappointed my classmate would be if they decided, “I'm too busy to take this class right now” …and they kept on saying that for the next couple of semesters and they sat there in the audience and watched the rest of us performing our solos over the next year, while they kept on postponing taking the class? 

I don't want you to watch wistfully as your peers or the people in your life are making strides on the types of goals that you want to achieve for yourself. I don't want you to have that regret — and I'm guessing that you don't want to have that regret, either. 

#2 It is costing you personal happiness and fulfillment. 

I love the quote, “Life is both too short and too long to not do the things that we want to be doing. To not do the things that bring us joy.” 

We can always put things on the backburner. But why should we postpone what we love, what brings us joy, what lights us up? There is no need to push something back till next year when it's something that can bring us personal fulfillment and joy right now. 

And if you are clinging to anything that doesn't bring you that personal fulfillment and joy, then you are unnecessarily costing yourself that. If you are holding yourself back from doing the things that you want to be doing, you are continuing to disappoint yourself and to postpone your own fulfillment. 

#3 It is costing you time — because if not now, then when? 

We all know that realistically, more stuff always comes up. No matter how busy you are in this moment, things are still going to be busy next week. New things are going to come up next month. There's always going to be a reason why NOT to do a thing. 

Saying, “Next month, next month, no wait, NEXT month,” doesn't actually mean that next month ever actually comes around. It just gets pushed off and off and off until an entire year has flown by without you even realizing it. 

And that's why you feel behind. Think back to where you were a year ago today: What did you keep thinking and saying you were going to do next month, that still hasn't actually happened? 

Look at it this way: At the time of this recording, there is one month left of 2023. If you did the thing now, you could be that much farther ahead by the time that the new year starts.

There is so much opportunity that exists when you take inspired action. And maybe you're watching this many months from the time of this recording — that's okay! Regardless of what time of the year it is right now when you're watching this, I want you to think about the upcoming months: What will happen in the next couple of months if you continue to not do the thing, versus if you take that step to stretch your comfort zone and do the thing? 

The end of the year is not the only time to pay attention to this stuff. In fact, it can be even more important throughout the year to watch for it because we don't necessarily have that same urgency to do the thing during those in-between months. 

Something else I want to mention about this solo development class that I am taking for dance — I have been dancing very consistently for over five years now. I've done a variety of dancing over that time; burlesque fusion and heels dancing and ballet and belly dancing and pole dancing. I have performed in upwards of 25 stage performances at 10+ different shows plus three concept videos. And except for a year and a half at the start of the pandemic. I have attended dance classes multiple times a week for pretty much that entire time. I've taken countless dance classes in between performance sessions. I have lost track of how many different instructors I've had for my different dance classes. And some of my closest friends are also dancers, so we often will talk about things or share different dance ideas and that sort of thing in between dance classes. 

…And yet, I am learning so much from my solo development class. These are skills and concepts that I had zero idea about, despite my dance experience. Hiring an expert blows it all out of the water! What I'm learning in my solo development class makes so much sense — but I don't know that I would have necessarily gotten to this point without taking this class and learning from this instructor, with all of her expertise. 

This also reminds me about something that one of my coaching clients told me after we had worked together for six months… it was about the amount of accomplishments that she had made. 

This is what she said: “Getting coaching with you, Sagan, was the best investment ever. It would have taken me seven or eight years to do this on my own. And the fact that we could do this in six months is really awesome.” 

That's what she said, and yes, yes, yes, yes! This is the power of hiring an expert who you resonate with and who really knows their stuff.